Saturday, October 31, 2015

Medical definitions

In 1997, Major Fred Trask sent me an email with medical definitions, which he attributed to Wes Johnson.  Someone at the University of Texas posted it as "Aggie Medical Definitions" (love those college football rivalries!), with a few definitions added to the list I have.  Others have posted it as a "glossary of blonde medicine," "Ole's Norwegian Medical Dictionary," etc.  You get the idea.

artery                    the study of fine painting
bacteria                 back door of a cafeteria
barium                   what you do with a patient when CPR fails
bowel                    a, e, i, o or u
CAT scan              searching for kitty
cauterize                had eye contact with her
Cesarian section     a district in Rome
colic                       dog like Reveille
coma                      punctuation mark
congenital              friendly
D & C                    area around Washington
dilate                      to live a long time
enema                     a student at UT
fester                      quicker
fibula                      a small lie
genital                     not a Jew
G.I.                        series baseball games between teams of soldiers
hangnail                  coathook
impotent                  distinguished
labor pains              getting hurt at work
medical staff            a doctor's cane
minor operation       digging for coal
morbid                     a bigger offer
nitrates                     cheaper than day rates
node                        was aware of
organic                    musical
outpatient                 a person who has fainted
pap smear                a fatherhood test
pelvis                       a cousin to Elvis
post-operative          a letter carrier
protein                     in favor of young people
recovery room         a place to do upholstery
rectum                     dang near killed 'em
secretion                  hiding something
seizure                     a Roman emperor
serology                   study of English knighthoods
tablet                        a small table
terminal illness         getting sick at the airport
tumor                       an extra pair
urine                        it's your turn
varicose                   nearby
vein                          conceited


Hope you enjoyed it!

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