Undulate over the turf!

It's been a two-week hiatus, due to travel and other interruptions in whatever routine we had managed to establish.

The top of my humor stack has stuff related to the use of the English language.  Since I am inclined to be somewhat garrulous (prolix, loquacious, verbose or wordy, if you prefer), I thought I would post a piece called "Mangled Maxims" that takes common adages and dresses them up with pedantic phrasing.

I am reminded during the football season of the 'nerdiness' of my high school band.  We preferred our own cheers for the football team over those encouraged by the cheerleaders:

"Hinder the path of the projectile!"  Not only did this substitute for the pedestrian "Block that kick!" but it could also be used for opponents' passing plays.

"Progress!  Progress!  Undulate over the turf!"  was an all-purpose cheer when we were on offense.

(Unfortunately, those are the only two I can recall.)

In that spirit, here are the "Mangled Maxims" -- (with credit to Toronto in Focus)

1. Splintered wood and mineral chunks can rupture my skeletal system, but nomenclatures do not impair me.

2. Swab your dentures tri-daily.

3. A needleand thread mark in hours passed hoards eight plus one.

4. Do not traverse the gantry until you approach it.

5. Offspring should be endowed with visibility but not oral facilities.

6. Hemogloblin is more viscous in consistency than H2O.

7. Pulchritude pertains solely to the epidermis.

8. If primary failure is imminent, new attempts should be made repetitiously.

9. The most prompt feathered biped seizes the annelid.

10. Perambulate in moccasins and shoulder a gargantuan wooden rail.

11. Focus your optical apparatus on the spheroid.

12. A maximum of toil and a minimum of disport and dalliance causes Jack to become a dim-witted, stagnant dunce of the young male species.

13. That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal facility.

14. A red fruit of the Malus genus absorbed into the digestive system every 1440 minutes keeps a medical practitioner from entering the ridge pole of home sweet home.

15. Individuals continuing daily functions surrounded by fused sand structures should be forbidden to hurl missiles.

16. Refrain from enumeratingyour poultry prior to their emergence from calcified enclosures.

17. A moving and twirling rock picks up no green matter.

18. Departure causes the blood pumping organ to become more lovable and liked.

19.Distant meadows are inevitably more verdant.

20. Dissipate not needlessly, and impoverishment will not be your destiny.

21. Do not shed tears over white liquid that has become earthbound.

22. Everything is justified in intense liking and in combat or battle.

23. It is not possible to both retain your angel food of devil's food and consume it.

24. Grab and obtain it, or set it down and release it.

25. View with your optical organs prior to jumping with great steps.

26. A pan under constant scrutiny will never reach 212 degrees F.