Is Someone at work out to get you?

Originally sent to me in 1998 under the title The Top Ten Signs Someone at Work is Out to Get You (with a copyright credit to Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.), I found the list on-line as Top 16 Signs Someone at Work is Out to Get You.  (Three of the entries were too offensive for me to include, so I acted like the Justice Department and redacted them.)

16. The Human Resources rep keeps advising you to apply for extra dismemberment insurance.

15. The guy from shipping says they have to store some toxic waste in your office for "just a couple days." Your company, however, makes doilies.

14. Someone's been signing you up for the office blood drive. Daily.

13. Everyone else gets e-mail. You get "note-wrapped-around-a-brick-speeding-at-your-head-mail."

12. [redacted]

11. New job position posted: "Vice-President of My Butt" Only applicant: You

10. Co-workers point and whisper that you're the one who ate the "Bagel O' Death."

9. Somebody went to the trouble of making a little Hitler mustache and swastika armband for your Dilbert doll.

8. You're honored to be in the "South Park" skit at the office party, but why does everyone insist you play "Kenny"?

7. [redacted]

6. The pushy new Pastry Cart man looks an awful lot like that Kevorkian guy.

5. Your position's symbol on the organizational chart now shows up as a hanging stick figure.

4. During your diversity training, someone announces on the intercom that "the cleaners are here with your Grand Wizard outfit."

3. Your name is spelled out in urinal cakes in the men's room trough.

2. Oh, come on -- it's not like your new Windows 98 operating system just keeps crashing by itself!

1. [redacted]