Sermon Quotes

Received from my brother Larry in 2002:

Subject:  Sermon fodder

A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff before."

"As God said in the Bible, and I think rightly…" – Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher

"I want to die before my wife. The reason is: If it is true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgment, I don't want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things."  -- Bill Cosby [this quote obviously has an ironic sub-text in light of what we have learned since 2002]

The Sunday School teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.  And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now," said the teach, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said. "To make the gravy!"