Residency Application

Moving to a new state -- the eleventh State in which we have resided -- required a lot of paperwork to get drivers' licenses, get title to and register the car and the trailer, pay taxes, register to vote, declare our permanent residency, etc.  Each form was different and asked for different information, but nothing like the following.

This is one of the older items in my humor file, dated 4/23/1996.  It was forwarded to me by my daughter-in-law Nora.  But rather than West Virginia, it was titled "State of Montana Residency Application."  I think it can be used of any location that a snobby Northeasterner wants to mock, although that does not describe Nora; she just thought it was fun.

I found this version on-line at http://www.joke-archives.com/apps/appwvirginia.html  (My wife has a lot of family who live in West Virginia.  I hope they understand that this is humor.  Even after editing out some of the worst stuff, it still might get me in trouble.)

West Virginia State Residency Application

1. Last Name: _________________________



2. First Name:
   ____ Billy-Bob
   ____ Billy-Joe
   ____ Billy-Ray
   ____ Billy-Sue
   ____ Billy-Mae
   ____ Billy-Jack
   (Check appropriate box)



3. Age: ____



4. Sex: ____ M ____ F _____ N/A



5. Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right



6. CB Handle: _____________________



7. Occupation:
   ____ Farmer
   ____ Mechanic
   ____ Hair Dresser
   ____ Un-employed
   ____ Coal Miner



8. Spouse's Name: __________________________



9. Relationship with spouse:
   ____ Sister
   ____ Brother
   ____ Aunt
   ____ Uncle
   ____ Cousin
   ____ Mother
   ____ Father
   ____ Son
   ____ Daughter
   ____ Pet



10. Number of children living in household: ___



11. Number that are yours: ___



12. Mother's Name: _______________________



13. Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)



14. Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)



15. Do you (__)own or (___)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)



16. Vehicles:
    ____ Total number of vehicles you own
    ____ Number of vehicles that still crank
    ____ Number of vehicles in front yard
    ____ Number of vehicles in back yard
    ____ Number of vehicles on cement blocks



17. Firearms you own and where you keep them:
    ____ truck
    ____ bedroom
    ____ bathroom
    ____ kitchen
    ____ shed



18. Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
    Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup: _________



19. Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
    ____ The National Enquirer
    ____ The Globe
    ____ TV Guide
    ____ Soap Opera Digest
    ____ Gun World



20. ____ Number of times you've seen a UFO



21. ____ Number of times you've seen Elvis



22. ____ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO



23. How often do you bathe:
    ____ Weekly
    ____ Monthly
    ____ Holidays
    ____ Not Applicable



24. Color of teeth:
    ____ Yellow
    ____ Brownish-Yellow
    ____ Brown
    ____ Black
    ____ No teeth
    ____ N/A



25. Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
    ____ Red-Man



26. How far is your home from a paved road?
    ____ 1 mile
    ____ 2 miles
    ____ don't know
    ____ can't get there from here



27. Reason for continued residence in West Virginia:
    ____ can't bear to leave brothers behind
    ____ daddy won't give me my pants back
    ____ liberal wife beating laws



28. Bumper Stickers:
    ____ Eat more Possum
    ____ My other car is a piece of junk too
    ____ Red-man Chewing Tobacco
    ____ Don't blame me; I voted for McGovern



29. Favorite Recreation:
    ____ Square Dancin'
    ____ Possum Huntin'
    ____ Skinny Dippin'
    ____ Craw Daddin'
    ____ Gospel Singin'
    ____ 4-Wheelin'
    ____ Drankin'
    ____ Spittin' Backy
    ____ Bill Chip Trowin'
    ____ Honky Tonkin'
    ____ Noodlin'
    ____ Other



30. Number of Dogs: ____
    
    • Type:
      ____ Blue Tick
      ____ Beagle
      ____ Black & Tan
      ____ Bird Dawg



31. Cap Emblem:
    ____ John Deere
    ____ McCulloch Chain Saws
    ____ Budweiser
    ____ Vo-Tech
    ____ Skoal
    ____ Coors
    ____ NAPA



32. Memberships:
    ____ KKK
    ____ NRA
    ____ Moose
    ____ PTL Club
    ____ AA
    ____ Bass Club
    ____ VFW
    ____ Quiltin' Bee
    ____ American Legion
    ____ United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
    ____ John Birch Society