Words, words, words

My daughter recently shared a link that detailed "faux-educated words of the 19th century" to poke fun at my brothers and me.  Our family's love for words is apparent in many ways.  But so is our love of humor.

My next three posts shall be devoted to word humor.  The first has no email reference -- it is a paper document only.  However, it is attributed to The Wilson Quarterly.  When I google "The Jargon Generator" I get lots of different hits and a variety of approaches similar to the paper in my humor file.  Alas, neither google nor the Wilson Quarterly web site gave me this item intact, so I type it in for your reading pleasure:

THE JARGON GENERATOR (from The Wilson Quarterly)

Ever wonder how bureaucrats, educators, and others come up with the terminology they unload on an unsuspecting public?  They use a Jargon Generator.

The high school administrator who conceived of it has chosen to remain anonymous.  The tool consists of three columns of nine words each.  The first two columns consist of multisyllabic adjectives, and the their contains ambiguous nouns that defy strict definition.

Column 1
1. integrated
2. total
3. systematized
4. parallel
5. functional
6. responsive
7. synchronized
8. compatible
9. balanced

Column 2
1. management
2. organizational
3. monitored
4. reciprocal
5. logistical
6. transitional
7. modular
8. creative
9. operational

Column 3
1. outputs
2. flexibility
3. analysis
4. mobility
5. factors
6. concept
7. capability
8. guidelines
9. contingencies

To use the Jargon Generator, merely take any three digit number and apply each digit to the corresponding sequential column.  E.g., the number 641 will give you "responsive reciprocal outputs," an impressive and erudite phrase that can be applied in almost any situation.

Use of the Jargon Generator when you really have nothing to say, the author points out, will result in absolutely no one knowing what you're talking about.  But, he adds, what really matters is that 1) they will never admit it and 2) they will accept you as a decisive thinker who possesses great ability to verbalize complex ideas.

Sort of a 297, one might say.